The most important thing…

One of my friends and I had a heart to heart and I realized I never talked to her about getting into heaven. Part of being Christian is teaching people about the bible. If you are Christian, and you haven’t talked to your most precious and loved ones about this, please do. I felt horrible that all this time she thought she was not going to heaven because she was not baptized. If you read the bible, teach the bible. If you don’t know what Christianity is about, read the bible. I like to call it The Real Housewives of Bethlehem because they were not saints and the read is not boring! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoDX9x7uGoc

God=love. I used to despise history class in school, but when I began my faith journey in my 20’s, I started to realize something huge. When you don’t know what has happened in history, you can’t make sense of the highlights. Did you know that capital punishment in Israel back in the days of Jesus WAS crucifixion? It wasn’t a one-off torture invented to kill Jesus. I always thought that was so weird until I learned the history behind it.

Also, so many people quote the bible but one verse doesn’t put into perspective what it’s actually talking about. Can you imagine if someone took one sentence you said and ran with it? One of the biggest lessons about the bible is that the old testament is all about before Jesus was born. The religious rules really changed and the new testament is what Jesus taught his disciples. You might see a bible that looks to be about half the size. That’s because to get the Word to as many people as possible, sometimes they just print the New Testament to hand out because that is the most important part. You never see just the old testament. https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueChristian/comments/1eh4e3w/the_bible_doesnt_teach_that_money_is_the_root_of/

Another thing I never understood until I looked into the Christian faith is that the bible was not written by one person. It was written by about 40 people over 1,500 years. That is part of what makes it so special is that there were many predictions also called “prophesies” made over the years and most of these people did not know each other and the prophesies were all the same and over 300 of them came true about Jesus! The odds of that are so small it’s crazy.

Also, Christianity is one tree with many branches, sometimes called denominations. There are over 45,000 types of Christianity worldwide. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_denomination

With that comes different interpretations of the bible which has been translated to most languages. In fact, there are over 450 well known english translations! I think the hardest is the King James version because we don’t talk like-th that any more-th. So if you are reading the bible and it doesn’t make sense, note the translation and try and different one.

There is a bible app that you can download for free to check it out for yourself. You don’t have to come up with a plan, you can jump right in. There are daily devotions that you can just read to learn, you don’t have to tell yourself that you believe what you are reading until you actually do. https://www.bible.com/ You can also search for plans that are relevant to you such as; friendship, loss, addiction, suicide, leadership, giving etc.

Even Joe Rogan admits that people that are Christian are more happy than those who are not. So even if you don’t really know where to start, and you want to have a happier life, I would recommend doing what I did. Just start visiting different churches each Sunday and find one that resonates with you. The statistics are out: if you read the bible 4 times a week, you will be exponentially more happy than people that do not. Marriages will stay together more with the divorce rates being 27-50% less than the 50% statistic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXl0roW-U20

One last lesson a different friend gave me: just because you don’t believe yet or feel like you left your faith does not mean that God left you. He is patient and loving and kind. He is waiting for you to see his signs and be redirected back to him and will welcome you with open arms.

Another lesson tied to that is that you are not always going to be increasing your faith journey! Some things will set you back to work through. That is the cycle and it is ok. Being a Christian is not about being perfect. It’s about knowing that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and he is our Lord and savior and he is love. https://lutheranchurchofhope.org/about/mission-vision-values/hope-circle/

A different lesson is that many things in life that seem religious but are not are called traditions. If you believe in Jesus and you read the bible, there were no churches, no one said bless you when you sneeze, no one dressed up to talk to God, there were no Christmas trees, Santa Claus, Easter bunny etc. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/zBdyXnud1uA

Money is mentioned in the bible over 2,000 times! Many bible verses and stories are known but not known as originating from the bible. https://research.lifeway.com/2014/08/13/11-common-phrases-you-didnt-know-were-from-the-bible/

The trinity is complex. If God was easy to understand, how simple would life be?! But alas, he is mysterious and almighty and powerful. https://www.instagram.com/reels/DI8-v4hNGGL/

Perception is often key in life. I bet you can think of an example where you thought one thing until you found out more details about it. Christianity can be considered the same. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/FnsWbvsri5s

The last big lesson I’ll mention that I’ve learned on my spiritual journey over the last 20 years is about God’s purpose he’s given each of us. I had such a hard time figuring out what my purpose was. I thought it was one thing and was met with adversity. It wasn’t until I dove into my past and my biggest hurts growing up where I found I can help people in those situations. Once I started doing that, it was very hard work but the feeling of reward was unmistakable. The more I kept doing it, the more I was rewarded. The more I was rewarded, the more I kept pouring in and giving of myself. Your purpose is much more apparent to you than you think. Just go to your hard memories, and that is where God is. He is helping you through it, he wants you to show others how to get through it too!

What is your time worth?

If you are or want to be self employed and struggle with wanting to make more money or have more free time, but not sure how, try this:

Example: “I want to make $200,000 gross next year working full time.” That means if you take off 6 weeks of vacation you will be working 52-6 weeks so 46 weeks. Full time is 40 hours per week, that’s 1,840 hours. $200,000 divided by 1,840 hours is $108.70 per hour.

If you currently make half that, say $54 per hour, then you need to work twice as fast doing the same thing or you can charge more or sell something different that earns more. How do you get to that point? Well, you need to start making decisions on what you are doing with your time. If you need to go grocery shopping and that takes an hour to shop, you are missing out on what you want, $108 per hour. So instead of going shopping, do online shopping and have groceries delivered. During the hour that you gained, work towards whatever is going to increase your per hour pay goal. So research products, set up networking meetings, work on marketing, plan a event. Do this with your life. Every time you want to do something, if it cost less to hire it out so you can focus on activities that support your income goal, do that. You will gradually hit your goal over time because you are focusing on it.

Or if you want to work 20 hours a week it would be double that $216/hour. Another example would be if you hire someone and they want $20 per hour you can either use that to give yourself time back in your life, or you can use it to propel yourself forward further or a combination of both. You could also hire the person on part hourly and part commission and if you are setting them up to succeed, give them half of the commission until they are good enough to be on their own and then increase the commission until you keep a small portion and they can teach new people to add to your team.

The goal in life is to live the life you were meant to live. Nothing will work without following God’s lead. Otherwise, he will just keep redirecting you. Sometimes, that is an abrupt move and it hurts! Don’t do that too much before you learn His lesson. If it’s hard, and you find yourself in a valley, that’s ok. Valley’s are made because of mountains on each side. If you find yourself here, give yourself permission to hang on because something big is on the other side of the challenge but only if you can find a way to overcome it.

You are not alone,

Melisa

Building a home

“It smells so good, like home.” My daughters words after eating dinner and going outside with a friend and coming back in. What music to a mothers ears!

We have lived in our house for 13 years. To a kid, that’s a lifetime. Our family’s needs have evolved over the years and it’s time for our next chapter.

It seemed pretty standard, going through the motions of decluttering, organizing, packing and moving totes. What was missing was the emotion of leaving a place that has been our refuge and safe place for the majority of our kids lives.

Some people move frequently and perhaps they don’t have such an attachment. This one feels different because we don’t move a lot. I remember moving when I was 14 and my brother was 7. He cried for what seemed like days. I didn’t cry one time, I was so excited to be in my new house.

I have not moved often, even before kids. I grew up until age 7 in my childhood home, was homeless for a summer, lived on a rental farm, lived with my dad’s best friend for 2 years then to a tiny rental for 6-7 years before my dad built a house and we moved into that. I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) when I was 18. We moved to a 4 plex, to a rental house, to our first house we purchased and now this house. Wow, I thought it was less than 4 but it’s been 4 so far in my adult life and getting ready for my 5th.

I do remember crying when we moved out of the house our kids were born in. Now we are moving out of the house they have grown up in. Next will likely be their final house before moving out on their own. I’ve always been the sap and not thinking about the good that is yet to come, but all the memories we are leaving behind.

It didn’t hit me until my husband and I were tearing down the trampoline and he said he was feeling emotional, but guys don’t cry. Apparently I internalized it because I started pulling weeds around a bush that my son got me for mother’s day. He bought it and dug the hole and planted it all by himself. Suddenly, I was bawling.

We poured our blood sweat and tears into our house and now we were going to be entrusting a stranger to do the same. That’s just how life works! The best feeling was having so many of the kids friends over. I’ve lost count at how many said they love how home-y it felt. Many of them said they don’t sit at the kitchen table with their family and eat dinner. They looked uncomfortable at first but settled in quickly to our groove. I hope my kids internalize that and open their house to their friends and family in the future.

I told my daughter not to worry, we will make the next house a home. Just like we did this one. Afterall, home is not where your house is, it is wherever you and your loved ones are.

No one ever talks about the stress of building a home. I didn’t realize it until it was entirely too late and the project was half done. Lucky for my husband and I, we’ve owned and operated a boat for many years – another stressful endeavor. I told the kids if we can go boating together and stay together and we can build a house and stay together that there is nothing that can separate us. The further we got into the project the more I kept hearing about couples splitting up over building a house. I tried to find statistics online and one said 17% of divorces are because of a home renovation project! Our own appraiser asked if we were still married. If I would have known that beforehand, I would have thought twice about it!

As adults, we can handle stress, but I hate seeing the kids see us stressed out. Although, they have seen us go through stressful situations and I feel like when they see us succeed, it gives them more stability knowing that stressful things happen and if you stick together you can get through it. We’ve been talking about coping mechanisms. A lot of it were things like: it’s a team effort not you against them, chose your battles, try and compromise, give space, move your body, cry, do what you have to do deal with it allows you to move on and then regroup with each other when you are feeling better. If you try and make your homelife seem perfect for kids, they won’t know what to do when they are on their own and things are not going their way.

One day we will look back and laugh, but as of right now, we are hanging on for dear life!

The youngest you will ever be

It’s so cliche. Today is the youngest you will ever be again. Each day you are changing and transforming at a cellular level. Most cells in the body die and are replaced many times over your life. You literally are not the same person you once were. That gives you permission to change your mind and grow into the next version of yourself, especially when it’s for the better!

Some of these self identifying things are character traits and they don’t change with cells but rather with your journey. My late father-in-law drank excessively his whole life and wouldn’t stop even for his wife. Until she left, suddenly he stopped and never drank another drop again. The damage was done, it was too late. But lucky enough, it was a gift to himself. He was able to enjoy the second half of his life a different way. Through clear eyes.

My parents have their own issues, we all do. The most ironic one was probably that they both my mom and dad smoked cigarettes. As a child growing up in the 80’s and 90’s the smoking economic rules were pretty relaxed, you could smoke in planes, in cars with the windows rolled up, smoke in your house, smoke in bars and restaurants. I hated my parents for it and always complained. I’ll never forget coming home from a sleepover at a friends house whose parents did not smoke. When I got home I was in my closet and happened to get a whiff of my clothes hanging and they smelled like they were cleaned with an ashtray. I hid their cigarettes, I bought them ashtrays with fans to suck up the smoke. I was relentless. Guess who ended up smoking? Me. It makes no sense besides the addiction part. It’s tough. So glad they quit and so did I but it just goes to show you the power of addiction.

Some people are not that lucky, they are still in the depths of addiction. They too are still on their journey. They are still as young as they will ever be. They have time to change, but it has to be for themself. Some people don’t realize that they are addicted and they think it is a part of who they are. It isn’t until they get fed up with themselves that they realize they have the power to change. Albeit hard, it is possible.

Many things we see and judge are more about perception. Your perception changes with time but each time you think it’s the truth. Exibit 1: color block blazers, mullets, tight rolled jeans and life.

I saw a photo of a friend and her mom on a trip. The mom was probably between her 60-80’s and she was living her best life with her color block blazer on. It looked like she came straight out of a old TV show called In Living Color. The thing was she looked so confident, happy, calm and collective. I felt gob smacked. All this time I am so quick to notice when someone has an outdated style. I’ve known for a while that people like this usually try and freeze time from the best part of their life. While most people look at someone with a super old car, a mullet, a color block blazer or any other “old time” thing and judge them for being out dated. What if, we were conditioned by corporate America to think this way? We always have to buy the latest trend and when it’s over we have to discard it. What if the people that decide they like something and stick with it are the actual smart ones?! I’d say based on corporate America, big pharma and politicians getting caught trying to make us think one thing when another is true

I remember bringing my daughter to school in a snow storm. We only lived 3 blocks from school so many kids were still walking. The house closest to the school did not shovel the sidewalk in time and kids were forced to walk through the snow whether they had on snow boots or not. There was a man outside that house who had just began shoveling and I judged him so hard. What a piece of crap. Letting all these kids get their shoes and socks wet before their school day even gets started. What kind of a low-life person does that?! On my way home I came back the same way and realized this loser was actually a good Samaritan and the house wasn’t even his. He had realized what was going on and took it upon himself to try and help the kids as much as he could with the time he had. Now who’s the loser? Me. For being so closed-minded to the situation and not thinking the possibilities that it could have been. I just saw what I saw and made my own narrative. Has this happened to you before? I could probably think of 100 scenarios like this.

The point? Just know that no matter where you are on your journey, make sure to take a inventory of where you are and where you want to be. As for today, just worry about being the most authentic version of yourself you can be and know that you are changing inside and your character can change in an instant. It can change because you are paying attention and following the subtle cues life is giving you, or it can change abruptly because you are not.

Matthew 6:24

Upgrade Your Brain

Four major factors that challenge our capacity to think, grow, and focus are: digital deluge, digital distraction, digital dementia, and digital deduction.

Digital deluge describes the unending flood of information that leads to anxiety and sleeplessness. At the same time, digital distraction refers to the inability for us to sustain the attention necessary for relationships, learning, or work. Digital dementia is characterized by our inability to remember details, and digital deduction refers to the practice of leaving our major decision – making to our devices. The cumulative effects of these four digital problems rob us of our focus and ability to think. These are the issues that this summary addresses.

This summary provides you with the tools you need to cast off your perceived restrictions. It also outlines a blueprint for upgrading your brain so that you can achieve your dreams and live above digital distractions.

Shared from Limitless by Headway App

https://headway.onelink.me/9USK?af_web_dp=https%3A%2F%2Fweb.get-headway.com%2Fbook%2Flimitless

Lie or Lens?

I was listening to Steven Furtick’s sermon “It’s going to happen here”. It was very thought provoking.

https://youtu.be/0rUxFlIdZMk?si=pTzAsDeVYjDkNi1j

If someone doesn’t smile at you/be polite to you/drive considerate around you/reach out to you, consider this:

  1. They are not having a good day
  2. Maybe they just had an argument with someone
  3. Maybe there are going to visit someone who is dying
  4. Maybe they are addicted to something and going through withdraw
  5. Perhaps they just lost their parent
  6. Who knows if they have enough money to pay for rent, medicine or food
  7. They just got a call with bad news
  8. They are estranged from a family member
  9. They have a mental illness
  10. Childhood trauma affects how they react to the world
  11. Maybe they don’t feel good
  12. Perhaps a doctor just called them and told them bad news
  13. Maybe they are suicidal
  14. Maybe they are just really focused on something and not paying attention

Now consider this, if someone does smile at you: any of the above could still be the case.

Is it a lie, or a lens which people see their life through? With a little more thought, you can decide how you come off to people. You can also give people more grace.

The Time Value of Money

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1268098307465309

When asked what is the biggest mistake we make in life?

Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it, and once it’s lost, you can never get it back.

A Buddha

People work 8 hours a day to get 4. Make your free time really count.

As someone who meets with people who are trying to figure out when they can retire and helping them through retirement; I can attest to this quote. Moreso as I’m helping my clients children navigate once they’re gone; I am very sensitive to the time value of money subject.

Normally when financial professionals are calculating the time value of money it is to factor in things like inflation. However, the biggest calculation is the one people rarely seem to do.

Your time on earth is limited.

People’s mental state or lack thereof, puts them in a hamster wheel that they have such a hard time getting out of. They work too long, they don’t enjoy retirement because their health, or partner’s health has deteriorated. They don’t take the trip, they don’t go to the event. They don’t do the things that make you live a fulfilled life and be content.

It is a fact that people live longer when they have guaranteed income that satisfies their monthly living expenses. Stress is literally killing people. It’s not always about money but that is one of the main assailants.

So live below your means so you can do the things you are meant to do. Live below your means so you can retire early, and/or fully enjoy your younger years.

It is not the destination, it truly is the journey.

So go out there and live your best life. You are always one decision away from the life you want to live. So write down your dream life and take steps to achieve it. Today is a new day, and tomorrow is a new day. The things on your list are quiet possibly what is meant to be your destiny. Follow those instincts and not the ones that say watch the news on the couch. That is the scared part of your brain that wants you to numb yourself with fill in the blank (food, work, drugs, alcohol, shopping etc.)

There are a few great ways to get out of a funk/peel a layer off of your proverbial onion/start a new chapter or end an old one/or just to stay balanced:

  1. Volunteer. Giving back to the community helps you see the world in a light of gratitude.
  2. Spend time with a close friend. Those heart to hearts can lead to ah-ha moments that will help you move in the right direction
  3. Exercise. It physically changes the composition of your bodily hormones and helps you relax which is a great way to change your mindset
  4. Journal. Writing down your feelings helps get them off of your chest and makes room for you to move on instead of getting stuck thinking about them
  5. Pray. If you’re into that, or not sure, asking your creator to help show you what you are meant to do next is a great way to open up the universe to your energy
  6. Relax. Pick your favorite way. Mine is painting, or walking. It calms your mind and helps you ease into whatever is next in life!

If you don’t have someone helping you make the best financial decisions, get someone. They will help you stay the path (or find the path) and it will help ease your mind. It’s much easier to work because you want to than to know that you have to.

I think a lot of times we feel like we need something more, but if you are on the right track, why worry about working more, getting a promotion, going to school etc. If you are on the right track, take the vacation, spend time with friends and family. If you are already doing those things and feel guilty for it, getting a plan will help you enjoy those moments instead of using them as a numbing agent. It’s a way different experience when you know you are using your time efficiently.

Pendulum

The Italian scientist Galileo first noted (c.1583) the constancy of a pendulum’s period by comparing the movement of a swinging lamp in a Pisa cathedral with his pulse rate. The Dutch mathematician and scientist Christiaan Huygens invented a clock controlled by the motion of a pendulum in 1656. according to https://www.britannica.com/technology/pendulum

Since then, pendulums have been used as a analogy in people’s lives moving from one extreme to another. This comparrison can be used for the way you act, the habits you have, how you treat people and what you are focused on.

From my experience I started the pendulum as a little girl needing everything done for me and taking from everyone else and growing up poor. My pendulum swung to wealth as I competed for the top spot in the country in the top 20 producers for Fortune 500 company’s Finance & Insurance manager income when I was in my early 20’s.

I realized I wanted to settle down and swung my pendulum to corporate America where you get a salary, a certain number of days off, and volunteer hours. I also was having a hard time with my parents and siblings and no matter how much I gave them I was always left unsatisfied. So I decided to volunteer and get involved in the community. I gave and gave and gave until I had no more time to give. One of my proudest moments was being in a room with over 100 people recognize my efforts and gave me a standing ovation when I won a diversity and volunteering award. Still that wasn’t enough.

I leaned in to my new nucleus of a family focusing on my marriage and two small children and my church. I still felt something was missing.

I started my own business and leaned into that for 7 years, yet my health, family and friend relationships suffered as a result. I focused on giving to my clients, senior citizens. I gave my time effort and energy until I was pulled so thin I could no longer do it myself.

This is the whole reason I started this blog. The 5 F’s are to help you focus on a balanced life. It is easy to focus on one thing at a time but other things naturally will be lacking as a result. You are not alone and we are all in this together. So no matter what it takes, even if you have to put it on your calendar, make time to focus on the different areas of your life; Faith, Family, Fitness, Finance & Friends.

There is a long term and short term part to this. Recognize what you are excelling at and give yourself credit. Then plan for a strategy on how you can improve the other. For example, if you are great at balancing your checkbook each month, but you are in a job you hate. Give yourself a pat on the back for managing your short term finances and develop a way to explore income streams that make you feel more fulfilled. Like trying a networking groups, having coffee with new people, meditating or journaling about what you are passionate about or good at.

It will never be perfect, but put in the effort and you will feel better. The biggest takeaway should be that when you feel the pendulum is at it’s furthest and something needs to be done, don’t take that as a failure of your life and like there is nowhere else to go. You have a purpose and you matter.

The pendulum is there to help you balance time, like it was originally invented for. So when you feel like a change is needed, keep all of your senses open and receptive to signals showing you what your next move should be.

Here is to your happiness, your health and your journey!

Service fulfills us on many levels, beginning with the simple belief that we’re born to care for others. In “Long Walk to Freedom,” Nelson Mandela wrote, “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, then they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

Several studies show that when we pursue compassionate goals that aim to help others or make the world a better place, we’re less likely to have symptoms of anxiety and depression than when we focus on improving or protecting our own reputation. The act of giving to others activates the pleasure center of our brain. This is why those who help others tend to live longer, be healthier and have a better overall sense of well-being.

Monks strongly believe that the pillar of service makes our lives better in many ways. Service connects us. When we serve, it’s hard to be lonely. In most scenarios, we have to go out into the world to help other people. Service broadens us and increases gratitude. Service gives us a broad view of all that we have, and it increases compassion. When we serve, we see that the world needs what we have to offer. Helping others tells us that we are making a difference in the world.

Shared from Think Like A Monk by Headway App

https://headway.onelink.me/9USK?af_web_dp=https%3A%2F%2Fweb.get-headway.com%2Fbook%2Fthink-like-a-monk